Letter to a Wannabe Pastor's Wife

A few years ago Holly (my spouse) was invited to write a letter to a "wannabe pastor's wife," to be posted on the True Woman blog. I think her perspective and advice is really good and worth reposting. 

Holly and our youngest child, Abby Taylor 

Even if you're not a pastor's wife, it might give you a different perspective on what is often called "the hardest job in the church." If you're a member or regular attender at Fulkerson Park, it might provide some insight into how Holly and I perceive her role and how we think through ministry decisions and priorities.

Dear Wannabe Pastor’s Wife,

I think it’s great that you would like to be a pastor’s wife! I consider it a huge privilege to be married to a man who preaches God’s Word week after week. I love my husband and am grateful for the ministry the Lord has given us.

Let me begin by sharing our current ministry circumstances. We’re getting close to completing our first decade in pastoral ministry. Brian is in his second pastorate. We’re in our mid-thirties and our children are currently 7, 3, and 2. So, the things that I’ll share reflect the context of a mother of three [now four! - BH] small children.

Sometimes there are unwritten expectations that the pastor’s wife will be a Bible study leader, the church pianist, and a great soloist all rolled into one package–oh, and she pulls this off with the kid’s hair and clothing looking perfect at all times! But we will become slaves to people’s opinions if we order our lives to please everyone else. I have sometimes found myself side-tracked with worries that I wasn’t meeting people’s expectations. Keep your eye on the ball (God’s Word)! I find much peace in going back to Scripture and reminding myself that my real acceptance and security rest in Christ’s grace, not my performance.

When we were interviewed before coming to our current church, we clarified what my role and level of involvement within the church would look like. My role is the same as most mothers with several small children. This church has been extremely supportive and respectful of me in that decision. Biblically, the role of a pastor’s wife is the same as every wife’s: love your husband and children, manage your home well, and be an example to women around you (Titus 2:4-5). Though keeping the home running smoothly may seem mundane, this is an important ministry to Brian. 

We regularly evaluate what I’m doing in the church to ensure that it’s best for our family. I let my spiritual gifting direct many of my choices. I would encourage you to do the same–pastor’s wife or not! My spiritual gift is service, which means much of my involvement is behind the scenes. This, of course, will vary from person to person. We will serve people best if we’ll just be ourselves.

Your main role is to support your husband. This will look different for each family but here are a few suggestions:

1) Watch out for him. You know him better than anyone and have his best interests in mind. If he is overworking himself, lovingly bring it to his attention. Try to find ways to lighten the load. Occasionally, there are seasons where there is no way around the busyness at church. During those times, be his “fun zone!” Be the place where he can relax and not have to fix problems.

2) Give your husband helpful and honest feedback. Brian often asks me for feedback on his messages. When he asks for advice, I try not to shoot off the cuff, but take it seriously. Some Sunday mornings, I am unusually exhausted or maybe one of my children was distracting me. So the problem may have been with me, not the sermon! Take time to think through your opinions carefully to be sure they are wise and accurate.

3) Stand with him when times are tough. Even when you disagree with him, respect him, both publicly and privately. Pray that God will give him wisdom in making decisions. Do not forget the seriousness of his calling. He is bringing the gospel to the church each week.

Here are a few other random thoughts:

• Never gossip. As a pastor’s wife, you will be privy to much personal information. Keep all of it to yourself. Let this knowledge drive you to pray. It is a privilege to have the trust of people and to be in a position to help them. We must guard that trust.

• Grow a thick skin. A pastor almost never gets a 100% approval rating from the church (except maybe during the first month)! There will be criticisms. Try not to take every conflict too seriously. Keep a sense of humor. This is easier said than done, I know. But Jesus will help us when we ask.

• Be careful what you read concerning being a pastor’s wife. There are lots of negative statistics and studies telling how hard it can be. This is not really helpful or useful information. Read people who are positive and offer help for getting through the tough stuff.

I call myself a “weekend widow” because Brian works long hours on Saturday and Sunday! But when I happily “hold down the fort,” it frees him up to do his job. Remembering the eternal significance of what he is doing helps me keep a good attitude.

Thanks for allowing me share with you. If the Lord does indeed call you to be a pastor’s wife, I pray he will give you many wonderful experiences and much joy in it!

Holly Hedges

Happy Anniversary

Fourteen years ago today, we vowed to love and cherish till death do us part. We sang to each other at the wedding and it felt like we were the only two people on earth. Dad officiated, choking back tears as he spoke the holy words that made us man and wife. I loved her that day and she loved me and we had no idea what we were in for.

Who really knows how to love another person for an entire life? Marriage is a furnace, a refiner’s fire made hot by God’s bellows, for melting the will into liquid resignation as the dross of sin and self surface. It would have been so easy for her to pull out, to quit those vows, to take back promises, to choose an easier path. I did not know how to listen, was not fluent in the language of the heart. I was too wise in my own eyes. I loved her, but she had a fierce competitor in the person who daily stared back at me from the mirror.

Fourteen years must seem short to our parents and grandparents who have persevered for thirty years or sixty, who have known more of the "for worse...for poorer...in sickness" than have we. But it has been long enough to test the mettle, to sleep in the flames of this furnace, and to see the refined silver begin to emerge. Enough to move through both the warm naivety of love’s first blush and the cold disillusionment of frustrated expectations on to the fierce white-hot passion born of determined commitment and self-denying love.

I knew then, but understand now, that there are seasons in marriage. There are seasons of breaking fallow ground and of sowing in tears and of reaping in joy. There are seeds of sacrifice that must be planted in hope and watered with prayer and fertilized with forgiveness and compassion. And after the seeds grow and the fruit ripens, there is the sweet taste of joy in the joy of the other.

I love her more now than I did fourteen years ago. I love her because her common sense keeps me grounded. Her smiles and songs brighten my days and nights. Her laughter pulls me out of my sometimes too fretful solitude and tethers me to the gift of life. Her tenderness sensitizes me to the needs of our children. Her courage emboldens me, makes me brave. Her forgiveness reassures me that grace is real.

Holly, you are my best friend and the love of my life. Thanks for saying yes, and then I do, and then I love you and I forgive you ten thousand times. Thanks for staying true to me, to us, to our Lord. Thanks for carrying and bearing and nurturing and teaching and loving and being with Stephen, Matthew and Susannah. You are a beautiful woman, an excellent wife, a loving mom. We’ve had fourteen years. I hope we have fifty more. Happy anniversary.

With all my heart,

Brian

Holy Experience

I recently stumbled across Holy Experience, the blog of Ann Voskamp. Her writing is beautiful, thoughtful, unique. Several of her posts really moved me. Others were practical and helpful.


Here's the first post I read and the one that drew me in: The One Parenting Habit that Changes Everything.

In the summary, she gives 6 Ways to Develop the Habit of Daily Family Bible Reading:

1. We read 10-15 verses at a time, chronologically through a book of the Bible, less with little children, more with older. We want to savor, chew long.
2. We give each person their own Bible, their own serving, so each person can see Words, what they're eating.
3. We read the Words aloud together, eat like a communal meal. Like we help little ones eat with the fork, we help little ones with words -- oh how they smile, reading Scripture on their own...
4. We discuss, serve the Words around. Children explain meaning, offer summaries, ask questions. Parents taste conviction, confess, repent.
5. We meditate, listen to the Spirit, let each quietly chew the words
6. We close in prayer, voices around the table, sometimes too with a hymn

It seems long. It isn't.

It seems good. It is -- but only for us. But there are many ways for a family to eat Living Words and no one right way. As gathering in each family's home is a beautiful one-of-a-kind experience, so each family eats Words in their own special, creative way.

It seems perfect. It isn't. Days when I sadly want to rush, when children tussle over Bibles (and they are all the same!), when we read too fast and a little cries and no one pays attention. But some meals too are simply edible, hardly memorable, but we don't stop eating. We try the dish again or we change the way we eat or we just smile and set the table with candles next time.

Always, we eat again.


We eat again.

I'm glad I discovered Ann's blog and have added it to Google Reader. If you liked this, you should read more.

How to Lead Family Devotions

We recently started doing family devotions . . . again. Mark Twain once quipped that to give up smoking was the easiest thing in the world-he knew because he had done it thousands of times.

We all know that bad habits are hard to break, and good habits are hard to make. At least for my family, sustaining a regular family worship time has been something I've begun repeatedly, only to lose steam, settle into apathy, and repent and start over again weeks or months later.

So I'm not writing this from a platform of perfection, but rather out of my own trials and errors, successes and failures.

Why Even Try? 

While I've not found it particularly difficult to sustain a consistent personal time in reading Scripture, regularly gathering my family for worship is one of the most difficult disciplines I've ever tried to establish. I'm sure there are many reasons for this, ranging from the obstinacy of my sinful flesh to the frustration of trying to keep preschoolers quietly corralled long enough to do or say anything meaningful.

And I don't think I'm alone in this struggle. In fact, I once heard a pastor I greatly respect say that he gave up altogether and decided to just disciple his kids one on one. So why even try?

Don Whitney, in his helpful booklet Family Worship: In the Bible, in History & in Your Home, states, "The Bible clearly implies that God deserves to be worshipped daily in our homes and by our families" (Gen. 18:17-19; Deut. 6:4-7; Josh. 24:15; Psa. 78:1-8; Eph. 6:4); and "the lives of Christian heroes testify that God deserves to be worshipped daily in our homes and by our families." [1] (He provides examples from the lives of Martin Luther, Richard Baxter, Matthew Henry, Jonathan Edwards, Charles Spurgeon, and others).

Although this should be reason enough, Whitney also asks us to consider these reasons, which have helped motivate me to try again:

• What better way to evangelize your children daily?
• What better way to provide a regular time for your children to learn the things of God from you?
• What better way to provide your children with an ongoing opportunity to ask about the things of God in a comfortable context?
• What better way for you to transmit your core beliefs to your children?
• What better way for your children to see the ongoing spiritual example of their parents?
• What better way to provide workable, reproducible examples to your children of how to establish a distinctively Christian home of their own?
• What better way for getting your family together on a daily basis?
• Isn't this what you really want to do? [2]

How?

Assuming you are sufficiently motivated to make family devotions a priority, the next big question is, "How?" There's room for a lot of diversity here, since approaches to family worship will vary, depending on schedules, the parents' temperaments, and perhaps especially the number and ages of the children.

My wife and I have three children eight and under. Our initial attempts were less successful. For a while we contented ourselves with a Bible story and/or prayer at bedtime, which was fine; but we've recently found a routine that is working well for us. It includes the following:

1. Reading

We usually begin by reading a story from The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones. Out of all the Bible storybooks we've seen for children, this is our favorite. We love it not only because it is well written and beautifully illustrated, but especially because it consistently points children to Jesus. It rightly connects the many familiar stories of the Old and New Testaments to the overarching grand narrative of Scripture-creation, fall, redemption, new creation-and actually portrays Jesus as the hero of every story. As the subtitle of the book says, "Every story whispers His name."

2. Catechism

This may be surprising, but one highlight of family devotions for our children is learning a catechism. We use John Piper's edited version of the Westminster Shorter Catechism. Our oldest son loves it, and we're amazed by his ability to quickly memorize long, complex answers. We can now ask him, "How do we know there is a God?" and he will rattle off, "The light of nature in man and the works of God, plainly declare that there is a God; but his Word and Spirit only do effectually reveal him unto us for our salvation"!

Of course, at eight years old he doesn't understand the theology, but we hope that memorizing it will give him a theological foundation to build on for his future spiritual growth. Even our smallest children enjoy the catechism and know that "God is the first and best of beings" and that "the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever."

3. Singing

Our children love singing even more. Since the little two aren't reading yet, we repeat songs often to help them learn the words. We use children's songs such as "Jesus Loves Me," hymns such as "The Doxology" and "In Christ Alone," and contemporary worship songs such as "You Are My King."
Their current favorite is "Nothing But the Blood," which we sing almost every day. We also try to make it fun, usually singing the last chorus as fast as we can. We were delighted a few weeks ago to hear our almost-three-year-old daughter singing to herself, "This is all my hope and peace, nothing but the blood of Jesus."

4. Prayer

Finally, we join hands and recite The Lord's Prayer. After just a couple of weeks, our four-year-old son had it down word for word. (Our daughter still just sits with her eyes tightly closed.) They really enjoy praying together, partly because they like the closeness of everyone holding hands, and partly because they can participate. This is not only teaching them to pray, it's helping them memorize Scripture by hearing it repeatedly. In the future I plan to vary this and daily recite 1 Corinthians 13, the Beatitudes, and the Ten Commandments.


Keep It Simple

So, that's what we do. It's nothing particularly deep, fancy, or sophisticated, but the simplicity is actually helpful. I think perhaps one reason fathers are so easily demoralized in leading family devotions is that it seems complicated; they don't know what to do.

Keep it simple. Develop a routine. Then do it again. And again. And again. Your children will quickly adapt to the predictability and, by God's grace, begin to participate.

Whitney suggests three reminders for practicing family worship:

• Brevity. Be brief, or the experience can become tedious. It's always easy to lengthen the time if the occasion seems to be especially meaningful.
• Regularity. Try to have a regular time each day for family worship.
• Flexibility. Whatever time you choose, consider the wisdom of adapting a time when the family is already accustomed to being together, rather than trying to create another routine gathering during the day. [3]

Persevering with a Gospel Perspective

I want to reiterate the importance of persevering in family worship with a gospel perspective. The gospel reminds us that our acceptance with God doesn't depend on our personal discipline or our parenting effectiveness. If you feel like you have to be a perfect parent to keep a right relationship with God, you'll quickly be overwhelmed with guilt and probably just quit.

As I said at the beginning, I've had to start over many times with family devotions. Sickness can throw everything off. So can vacations or visits from relatives. If you're trying this for the first time, expect setbacks-but don't be discouraged. God is very patient and loves us in spite of our mistakes.

When you fail, remember the gospel, apply it to your own heart, repent, and start again. After all, isn't this what you really want to do?


Helpful Resources

Finally, here are several helpful resources on family worship:

J. W. Alexander, Thoughts on Family Worship (Soli Deo Gloria Ministries, 1998)

Joel Beeke, Family Worship (Family Guidance Series) (Reformation Heritage Books, 2002)

Nancy Ganz, Herein Is Love: Genesis (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2009). This is the first of a series of commentaries for children. See www.ShepherdPress.com for other titles in this series.

David R. Helm, The Big Picture Story Bible (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2004)

Kent and Barbara Hughes, The Disciplines of a Godly Family (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2007)

Sally Lloyd-Jones, The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name (Grand Rapids, MI: Zonderkids, 2007)

Carine MacKenzie, My 1st Book of Questions and Answers (Ross-shire, Scotland: Christian Focus Publications)

Starr Mead, Training Hearts, Teaching Minds: Family Devotions Based on the Shorter Catechism (Phillipsburg, NJ: P & R Publishing, 2000)

John Piper, A Baptist Catechism (Minneapolis, MN: Bethlehem Baptist Church)

Donald S. Whitney, Family Worship: In the Bible, in History & in Your Home Shepherdsville, KY: The Center for Biblical Spirituality, 2006)

John A. Younts, Everyday Talk: Talking Freely and Naturally About God with Your Children (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2005)

Endnotes

---

[1] Donald S. Whitney, Family Worship: In the Bible, in History & in Your Home (Shepherdsville, KY: The Center for Biblical Spirituality, 2006) pp. 3, 9.
[2] Ibid., p. 23.
[3] Ibid., pp. 18-19.

Sad Goodbyes and a Sweet Promise

We're back from Texas. It was an intense trip and everyone either has been or is now currently sick. And, after two days of hard travel, we're all tired. But we're home safely and thankful for good weather (the snow hit in Michiana again today!). Despite sickness, our trip was a great blessing. It was really fun to be back with my family in Texas again. It was Susannah's first trip to Texas and the first time we've all been together since my brother Andy got married last year. We had a lot of fun visiting and playing games together.

Leaving them again was sad, though. When we had said most of our goodbyes and loaded the kids in the car, I turned to hug my Dad and tell him I loved him one more time. I got so choked up that all I could say was I love you, Dad and Bye.

The promise on my mind as we drove back home was Jesus's word to his disciples from Matthew 19:29: "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." Though the goodbyes were sad, this promise from our Lord is sweet. No one will ever out-give, out-serve, or out-sacrifice God. Every loss for his sake will bring eternal gain. Even saying goodbye to one's family to serve the King on the other side of the country (or world!).

A Sunday to Rest

Today was an unusual Sunday for me in that we canceled our church services this morning (because of heavy snow fall and dangerous road conditions). I think that's the first time we've canceled a morning worship service since I became pastor almost five years ago.

I missed the time of corporate worship. But I also enjoyed the rest - a rare thing for pastors on Sundays!

I also am excited about the chance to let the sermon I've been working on for the last several days percolate and simmer for two weeks (I'm off next Sunday). That's rare, too - and I often wish that I could spend two or three weeks preparing each sermon. I would love to consistently have several weeks to think through not only the truth content of the message, but how to communicate, illustrate, and apply what I'm teaching.

Tomorrow morning we leave for a long over due visit to my family in Texas. We've not been there since August of last year and are all very excited about spending Christmas together.

Welcome Hannah Faith Hedges - Our New Niece

I want to introduce you to our new niece, Hannah Faith Hedges. My brother and his wife, Jason and Shannon, are adopting Hannah Faith from Guatemala. They just met her several days ago and posted these pictures. They have been on quite an amazing journey and it is an answered prayer for them to finally meet their new daughter. They will get to bring her home in several months. You can read more about their journey at Hedges Adoption.

Thanks, Lord, for Dad

This is a tribute that I wrote for my dad as part of a biographical sketch that was published in an encyclopedia of ministers for his denomination several years ago. I saw it again in my files tonight and decided it was worth posting. All of it is still true - in fact, I feel these words more today than I did when I first wrote them.

I have had the rare privilege of growing up in a home that was both holy and happy. Unlike some “preacher’s kids” of our generation, I grew up with a profound respect for my Dad’s ministry - not resentment. As I reflect on the grace of God which is so evident in my Dad’s life, several things mark his ministry as unique.

1. His deep confidence in God’s sovereignty. I think I absorbed this deep and abiding confidence in God’s Providential care for His children from my father and mother. I well remember our singing “God Moves in a Mysterious Way,” when mother had lost a baby through miscarriage, and the frequent answers to prayers for financial provision that sometimes came in large sums from people we had never even met before or knew only scarcely well. When in trials, we could always count on Dad to remind us of Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God who are the called according to His purpose.” He believes it and his life has proven it to be true.

2. His Christ-centeredness. The last thing my father would want is for me to extoll him in this short tribute to his life. His passion has been to exalt Christ. His messages are Christ-centered. Perhaps one of the most powerful I ever heard him preach was taken from Paul’s words in Galatians 2:20: “not I, but Christ,” four words which my Dad believes sum up the essence of Christianity.

3. His humility. I have never once felt that Dad was trying to be humble, but I’ve often felt that he was humble. I have seen him seek the good of others above his own interests time after time. I believe this unaffected humility springs from his deep realization of God’s majesty and his own dependence upon God for anything good in his life. He is a sinner (as are all of us) and he knows it. Christ is a Saviour, and he also knows that.

4. His gentleness. My Dad was a firm disciplinarian, but my siblings and I have not cowered in his presence. He governed our home with an iron fist, but it was covered with a velvet glove. He gave us hugs. He is one of the most kind and gentle men I have ever met. Rarely have I seen him angry. He rules his spirit. And when he has on occassion offended with a harsh word (which was rare), he has sought forgiveness. Not many fathers do that.

5. His happiness. Dad is a serious man, but not an unhappy man. My memories of home include much laughter and much singing. My father is holy, but not legalistic. His joy is real, because it springs from a real faith in a sovereign God who loves with an everlasting love.

Words fail to express the depth of gratitude I feel towards God for giving me a father like Ronnie Hedges. The fruits of his ministry will not be known this side of heaven, but there is at least one (and I am sure my brothers and sister would say the same) who has felt the impact of the grace of God in the life of this man of God. It is my pleasure and honor to call him my father.

Thanks, Lord, for Dad.

Vacation

After fifteen and a half hours in the car yesterday we are finally in Athens, Georgia for two weeks of vacation! We are staying with my wife's parents who are extremely generous in sharing their home and providing free child care. The agenda for these two weeks is pretty simple: spend plenty of time with Holly and the kids and spend plenty of time in unhurried, not-for-sermon-preparation, reading and reflection.

This morning Stephen and I played with Legos for a little while, then cleaned out the van (which was totally trashed with left-over french fries and chicken nuggets from our multiple stops at McDonalds yesterday!). Now I'm catching up on a few e-mails and blogging briefly between chapters in a book.

I may post a couple of times over the next few weeks, but don't expect regular blogging again until we're back home. Then I hope to get back to regular posting again.

An Update on Life

Here's just a brief update on life in the Hedges household.

Family - Susannah is now sleeping through the night, usually six hours and sometimes up to eight! We are so glad to be getting back into good patterns of sleep. Matthew and Stephen are becoming buddies. It's a slow process, as Stephen is still learning how to share his toys. But the two boys spend a lot of time laughing and playing together. Meal times remain challenging - often with one kid crying or screaming, then another just as soon as the first one stops. Sometimes Holly and I just look at each other and laugh! Occasionally we get a night out together, which is always refreshing. I think we are both growing spiritually through the whole parenting thing - although, Holly is much further down the road in developing patience than I am!

Ministry - A recent growing experience was in walking with a lady from our church through much pain in suffering through the last weeks of her life. It was bitter-sweet. It was bitter to watch someone's body begin to shut down and the realization that death is imminent slowly dawn. It was sweet to be able to share the Word and pray with her and see her take hope in the promises of God and the Gospel. As I look around at the many gray heads in our church, I realize that I will probably bury most of these people. Again, the thought is bitter-sweet. The bitterness of death is lessened only by the hope of the Gospel.

Reading - My reading has kind of changed in the last couple of months. I've found myself going back to older books, rereading, and moving more slowly. My current big project is completing Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion. I'm only about 1/3 of the way through, and only get in it a couple of times a week. But it is rich reading, full of worshipful meditations on truth. I'm just now beginning the third book of the Institutes and expect to benefit from it much. The shorter, contemporary book I'm moving through is Phillip Yancey's Rumors of Another World. Yancey is becoming one of my favorite authors, simply because he is such a good writer. Sometimes I disagree with his theology, but he is very thought-provoking and this book has been nourishing to me.




Fun stuff - A month or so ago I discovered The X-Files - a sci-fi TV show from the 90s. I had never seen even one episode (but did see the movie) and had never been that interested. But I thought I'd give it a try and have gotten hooked! What I learned is that there is a "mythological" arc to the X-Files that tells an overarching narrative about the government conspiracies surrounding extra terrestrials. These are undoubtedly the best episodes, as they also have the most character development. There were maybe six or seven of these a season. The other episodes were stand alone, "creature-feature" of the week stories, sometimes dabbling in more sinister and evil themes (serial killers, the occult, etc.). I don't care much for most of those and do not recommend them. Some things are too dark to be entertaining. But for science fiction fans, the mythological episodes (which have been packaged separately by Fox) are very good story telling! One of the most interesting things about The X-Files is seeing the clash of two world-views in the characters of Mulder and Scully. Mulder is the "believer" - the one who believes in aliens, the paranormal, the supernatural. Scully is a scientist and a skeptic. She's always looking for the more scientifically plausible explanation to things. Mulder is the postmodernist and Scully is the modernist, each one finding their assumptions and presuppositions constantly being challenged by the "facts."

So much for my life. Time to move on to other things now. Thanks for reading.

Ten Things Women in Their 20's Can Do Now to Stay At Home Later

About the only blog Holly (my wife) reads regularly is GirlTalk, the blog of Carolyn Mahaney (C.J.'s wife) and her three grown daughters. Holly frequently tells me what she's read and often benefits from their insights. Today she told me about an article the Girl Talk girls linked and I thought it was worth linking to myself for all of those twenty-something girls reading my blog on theology :-). Seriously, this is worth thinking about for young moms and soon to be moms want the option of staying at home with your kids. Its Ten Things You Can Do Now to Stay At Home Later. Read it. And start planning.

Oh - and it wouldn't hurt for you twenty-something guys who are married, or soon to be married, to read this as well.

Ten Commandments and the Family

The Ten Commandments and the Family
Exodus 20.1-21

Rodney Tolleson, Community Bible Church

Right now I drive a Honda Accord. I have decided that when it comes time to replace my car, I will be looking for a domestic model. The reason is because my favorite mechanics won’t work on foreign cars. And the reason that they won’t is because they can’t attract enough foreign car business to justify the expense for the foreign repair manuals, which now come on computer disks.

Cars are getting more and more complex. And that means that they are harder and harder to work on. These days, to be a mechanic, you need to know a lot about electronics. One thing is for sure, if you ignore your car’s owner’s manual and if your mechanic ignores the repair manual, you are headed for big car trouble.

Christian author, J.I. Packer has compared the 10 Commandments to a car’s owner’s manual and the rest of the Bible to a car’s repair manual. Here’s what he means: humans are incredibly complex, physically, psychologically, and spiritually. The 10 Commandments are like the owner’s manual. They tell us the way that we were created to live. Packer says, “Whether as persons we grow and blossom or shrink and wither, whether in character we become more like God or more like the devil, depends directly on whether we seek to live by what is in the Commandments or not.”

But, we have all broken the Commandments numerous times. (If you doubt me, consider the last time that you were not completely honest or the last time that you desired something that someone else owned. If you think that you have kept the 10 Commandments, you are being dishonest with yourself and that is breaking the 9th Commandment.) Fallen humanity cannot keep them. So the rest of the Bible is God’s repair manual. Again, quoting Packer, the rest of the Scripture “spells out the gospel of grace that restores sin-damaged human nature… and it is precisely for this way of living [according to the Commandments] that God’s grace rescues and refits us.”

This analogy is especially true when it comes to family life! The 10 Commands and the Bible are the supreme owner’s manual / repair manual when it comes to your family!

I’d like to encourage you to read Exodus 20.1-21 and notice these observations on family relationships:

§ There are grave family / generational consequences when parents lead their children away from God! -- Exodus 20.5

§ Any idolatry in the parent’s lives will lead the children away from God. -- Exodus 20.5

o When God says that he will ‘visit the iniquity of the father on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me’ He is not being unfair to the children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. 1) The children have to follow in their parent’s hatred for God for the iniquities to be passed down. 2) This statement simply acknowledges the reality that parents greatly influence their children spiritual for either good or evil.

o BUT there is the very real possibility that one generation can rise up and break the chain of iniquity. (My parents did that, and my sister and I and now my family reap the benefits!) If your family is mired in sin, YOU rise up and break that chain of sin for the blessing of your children!!!

§ Great blessing (God’s steadfast love) is promised to our children when we give God our affections and obedience! -- Exodus 20.6

§ Since the command to not work on the Sabbath specifically mentioned sons and daughters, we should conclude that the head of the household has a serious responsibility to lead his children toward true worship of the true God! This is something that we will give an account to God concerning. -- Exodus 20.10

§ When God says to honor fathers and mothers, children should not think that they are getting a bum rap! Honoring parents is worth it! God has promised long years of blessing to those who learn to honor their parents. -- Exodus 20.12

§ And finally, marriage is sacred. God is the creator of the marriage relationship and He does not want to see it torn down by adultery. And that is exactly what adultery does, whether that adultery is with your body or your mind. -- Exodus 20.14

As I mentioned earlier, we have all broken God’s commands, and our lives wither because of it. But God’s grace not only forgives our sins when we trust in Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross, but God’s grace also “refits” us to live in the blessing of obedience to the Commands!
As I have mentioned in a previous post, the Kankakee Valley Minster’s Association is sponsoring a Christian Marriage and Family Conference in DeMotte, IN on March 9 and 10 to help you apply God’s owner’s manual and repair manual to your family. I hope that you will make it a priority and that you will tell those that you love about it. To register, please contact me at 219.987.2771.

A funny moment with Stephen

Just thought this little Stephenism might make you smile. Last night we were getting ready for our small group to come and Stephen was playing like he was a pirate. That led into a discussion about different pirates and eventually Peter Pan (in Never, Never Land) vs. Captain Hook. Here’s the gist of the conversation:

Stephen: “What does Peter Pan do?”
Brian: “Oh, he fights pirates, and plays with Indians, and . . .”
Holly: “the lost boys!”
Brian: “Oh yeah, the lost boys”
Stephen (in total seriousness!): “Well, how does he do that if he never, never lands?”

We roared.