Paul David Tripp writes the following on his blog. I post it, because I can so relate.
I am a mass of contradictions, I don’t want to be but I am.
I preach a Gospel of peace, but my life isn’t always driven by peace.
I talk about a Jesus who alone can fully satisfy the soul, but I am often not satisfied.
I celebrate a theology of amazing grace, but I often react in ungrace.
And if I rest in God’s control, why do I seek it for myself?
Even in moments when I think I am prepared, I end up doing what I didn’t want to do.
Are not the fruit of the new life, are not the way of grace.
So there is this law operating inside of me.
When I step out with a desire to do good, evil follows me wherever I go.
There is this war that rages inside of me, between a desire for good and sin that is anything but good.
There are times when I feel like a prisoner, held against my will.
I didn’t plan to be mad at the grocery store, but that guy made me mad.
I didn’t plan to be discontent, but it just enveloped me in the quietness of the car.
That discussion wasn’t supposed to degenerate into an argument, but it did.
I am thankful for God’s grace, but there is daily evidence that I'm still in need of help.
That battle inside me cannot be solved by
I have been humbled by the war I cannot win.
I have been grieved by desires I cannot conquer.
I have been confronted by actions I cannot excuse.
And I have come to confess that what I really need is rescue.
So, have mercy on me, O God,
According to your unfailing love
According to your great compassion
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions
And my sin is always before me.
I embrace the rescue that could only be found in you.
Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!